Microsoft has mistaken me as part of their advertising demographic, at least on Hulu Plus, that is. Every commercial break I’m being bombarded with something Microsoft:
- Windows Phone
- Windows 8
- Office 365
- Internet Explorer *shudders*
- or Bing
Little does Microsoft know, I actually hate every product they have ever made, currently make, and will make in the future. Yes, I am writing this on a Windows 7 PC, but it doesn’t mean I’m enjoying it.
Let me explain why I hate every single one of these products:
1. First, Surface – Microsoft’s VERY late introduction to the tablet world. Actually, let me first show you my reaction when having Surface explained to me at a recent expo I attended:
I tried so hard to listen and be impressed by this piece of crap, but I just wasn’t. At the time, I wanted to get an iPad Mini. Since then, I got an iPad Mini. I do realize I haven’t yet explained why I hate Surface and I think it’s because it’s just hard for me to explain. The fact that Microsoft made it is bad enough.
2. Next, the Windows Phone, or rather, Microsoft’s VERY late introduction into the smartphone market. I hate this for the same reasons I hate Surface. That said, I do think this commercial is pretty funny:
3. Windows 8: Optimized for touch screen computers. Who out there has a pre-existing touch screen computer that you can simply just install Windows 8 on and be on your merry way? Nobody. So, in the meantime, until you’re rich enough to get a touch screen computer (if you even want one), you can use it like a regular desktop PC running Windows 7. Nice upgrade, right? Windows 7 –> Windows 7 for $100 more! I hate you, Windows 8.
4. Outlook.com: Who cares? I do think it’s great Microsoft finally put all their email clients into one place (@msn.com, @hotmail.com, @outlook.com), but again, could you have been any later to the game? Still, if I see someone come across my path with an @msn.com or @hotmail.com email address, I immediately know they don’t “get it.” It’s practically like having an @aol.com address – enter this decade and get @me.com or @gmail.com. Just do it.
5. Office 365: Pay $100 per year for the rest of your life to have access to Office products in “the cloud” rather than pay $100 one time until you decide you want to upgrade again. To make it up to you, Microsoft allows you to access Office 365 on 5 devices. So you can access it on your crappy Windows 8 (7) PC, your Surface, and your Windows Phone, I guess? Oh, and you can use the other two downloads on your Macs and have the absolutely terrible Office: Mac. Well I’m sure sold!
6. Internet Explorer. If you use Internet Explorer, you must be new to the Internet. NEVER explore the Internet with Internet Explorer. It is and will always be the absolute worst browser on earth.
7. Lastly, Bing. You’ve probably seen the commercials for the Bing-It-On Challenge where Bing and Google are put to the test right next to each other. I dare you to go play this little game. I chose Google.
Let us know your results in the comments!
The last thing I would like to say is, Microsft, please include an Unsubscribe button with all of your advertising. I don’t want to hear from you any more.